


Definitions of a Princess.

by Archeste



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-31
Updated: 2019-10-31
Packaged: 2021-01-15 05:40:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21248348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Archeste/pseuds/Archeste
Summary: “Ummm, do you guys think Ren could be a Disney Princess?” Ann asked, twirling her hair around her finger.That was a quick way to silence a table.For a second at least, it didn’t stay that way for long.





	Definitions of a Princess.

“Ummm, do you guys think Ren could be a Disney Princess?” Ann asked, twirling her hair around her finger.

That was a quick way to silence a table.

For a second at least, it didn’t stay that way for long.

Futaba erupted in laughter and Haru made a confused noise and then quickly turned to help Makoto, who was choking on her coffee.

The girls of the phantom thieves had been taking a long deserved afternoon off, sitting in a booth at Leblanc and chatting, enjoying some coffee. But Ann clearly had been thinking about other things.

“Because I watched this movie… and it’s kind of scary how much it fits.”

She was met with a ring of confused faces.

“That sounds like a strange movie, Ann.” Haru was looking puzzled.

“I can get her Netflix listing if you want to check out the name of the movie.”

“Futaba!”

“Ooo what you watching you don’t want me to see?!” she began typing furiously.

“It was that animated one, with Wack-it-Ralph. Stop that!” Ann was flushed.

“I’m still going to look, you know, and its Wreck, not wack?”

Ann reached for a spoon.

“I’m not sure how you could get from Disney princesses to Ren, though. Ann” Makoto had recovered enough from the surprise of the topic to join in now.

“OWW!” Futaba was grumpily rubbing her forehead.

Ann dropped the spoon back on the table. 

“Fine, you want me to find the clip?”

“Go ahead, it’s the only way to stop Haru looking at me like I’m crazy.”

“I don’t think you’re crazy Ann… maybe a little over tired though.”

Futaba quickly tapped away for a few seconds then flipped her laptop around and hit play.

* * *

The girls were now deep in though, staring at Ren who had come downstairs and was assisting Sojiro behind the counter.

“I’m not sure it counts as MAGIC. It’s more… scruffy.” Futaba was squinting at Ren, deep in thought.

“It’s magically scruffy! Trust me. I’ve tried to fix it before! It won’t tidy up at all!”

“Ann?”

“What’s up Haru?” Ann had a sudden urge to be elsewhere.

“Why are you trying to fix Ren’s hair?” There was an odd edge on Haru’s voice.

The temperature at the table had become noticeably cooler.

“BECAUSE IT’S SO SCRUFFY! It annoys me on a deep personal level!”

“Ryuji is scruffy as well.”

“He’s also an Ass.”

“It is very hard to fix…’ Makoto's voice trailed off in thought.

The temperature at the table dropped another degree.

“Mako-chan?”

“It’s an embarrassment to the school! Plus I tried to fix it when he was helping me with Eiko’s boyfriend. I think he might need hair gel or something.”

“Let’s move on.” Haru had a face like a stepped on plushie. SHE hadn’t been allowed to try and fix Ren’s hair.

YET.

She was jumping on the next opportunity.

They watched Ren flip a stirrer around his fingers while wiping the edge of another cup.

“Magic hands, check.” Ann Noted.

“He is very good with his hands.” Haru smile wistfully.

* * *

Sojiro turned to the thermostat. Was it getting colder in here?

* * *

“Something to share there, Haru?” Apparently Makoto could do that voice too.

“He helps me in the garden on the roof! He’s very good at handling delicate things!”

“Oooooooooooo.”

“Futaba! Is there anything you can’t make sound dirty!” Ann held back a giggle.

“Haven’t found it yet! Anyway, it wasn't my delicate things he was handling." She had a big grin on her face.

“He also makes all those infiltration tools!” Haru desperately attempted to dig up.

“Yep, so magical delicate thing handling hands. What was next?”

They watched as Morgana ran down the stairs and leap onto a stool to ask for food, before being chased back upstairs by Sojiro.

“Does Mona count even count as a talking animal? He is sure he’s human.”

“Noir, he’s a cat. How do you know he’s human?’

“He said so!”

“Talking. Animals. CHECK!”

Haru flushed.

The group silently ticked off the next few entries. No-one wanted to go too far into thoughts of the interrogation yet, it was still too raw. Poisoning, cursing, kidnapping and enslaving were all on the cards though.

Ren still had the bruises.

“I guess we can cross off deal with sea witch, though?” Makoto wasn't even sure why she was taking part in this conversation now.

“He does have human legs…”

“He can also talk.

“So can Ariel, NOW!”

“Oh yeah.”

The next one on the list was a thorny one.

“True loves first kiss?”

Ren’s love life was a closed book to them, although a number of people were currently attempting to open that book, with whatever improvised tools were to hand.

There was a subdued chorus of dejected “Not yet's” around the table.

That topic was tabled quickly.

* * *

Sojiro tapped the thermostat again. Was it broken? It was freezing in here.

Ren had already retreated upstairs with food for Morgana, The girls had been staring at him a lot today, and he was starting to feel a bit uncomfortable.

* * *

“Does he have daddy issues? Is his mother still around?”

“He doesn’t talk about his parents much. Thats kind of an issue in itself” Ann chewed her lip.

“They don’t call him either.”

“Futaba! Have you been looking on his phone again?”

“Why ask when you already know the answer? Sojiro gives him shit sometimes, does that count?”

Right then, one left.

“Does anyone know any big strong men he hangs around?”

“Sojiro isn’t that strong.”

“Ryuji?”

“Eeeewwwww NO!”

“Inari is tall, but he isn’t strong, he’s more… spindly.”

“Akechi?”

“He more causes problems.” Akechi was a still sore point right now, Makoto shut that one down.

“So does Iwai. That place is sketchy!” Ann wasn’t a fan of the Airsoft shop, mostly of the customers. They weren’t subtle when staring.

“I’m not sure I’d call Toranosuke-san strong either. He’s very sincere though.” Haru hummed.

“Can’t call the King a Man! He’s like ten years old.” Futaba was imitating Ann and twirling her finger in her hair, Ann hadn't noticed.

“Not sure we can call Mishima a Man either.”

“Aww, leave the NPC alone! Ann, he’s having a bad enough time as it is.”

More consideration was given.

“Maybe Ren needs a big strong girl, since he’s a guy!”

“He does hang around a lot of women…”

There was an edge to the silence for a moment.

"Time to pool notes!" 

“Tae’s shorter than me! She just wears huge shoes! Plus she’s not that strong! She’s all front! She blushes worse than Makoto!” Futaba chimed in quickly.

“HEY!”

"You need to stop blushing first, Queen. Lacks impact otherwise."

“Not sure I’d call that fortune teller or Kawakami sensei big or strong.” Haru sipped her coffee deep in thought.

“Never fall asleep in her class then, she’s less strong and more… Mean.” Ann rubbed her head at the memory. That book hurt.

“Not sure I’d call Ohya a woman.”

“Ouch, that’s low Futaba!” Ann winced in sympathy.

“Genetics are a bitch! She’s flatter than me! I bet that’s why she’s always drunk!”

"Still, there's more to a woman than her chest, Futaba. You should understand that."

"Sure I guess... HEY!"

“Hifumi seems more… Excitable than strong.” Makoto was too deep in thought to notice the glares being shot accross the table.

“Isn’t she an idol?”

“Sort of, Shogi is weird, man.” Futaba’s laptop flipped around to show off one of her photoshoots.

“She’s very pretty, though…”

* * *

Across town at a Shogi match, Hifumi Togo suddenly sneezed, she felt cold as ice as she was mentally added to a number of watch lists by some very dangerous people.

* * *

“Your sister is pretty tall, Mako-chan, and she’s strong.” Haru said, very slowly.

“I’m not sure she solved all his problems. Though.”

“She helped, a lot.”

“I guess.” This was a direction she hadn’t considered.

“She doesn’t like younger men, does she….?”

“She’d better not!” 

They contemplated this in silence.

“Maybe we’re looking at it wrong. Maybe by big…”

“Fairly sure they don’t mean boobs, Ann.”

“HEY! OR BRAINS, Futaba!”

“Watch it blondie!”

“Girls, please. You’re getting loud.”

“OR FOREHEAD, HARU!”

“WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT MY FOREHEAD?!”

“OR BUTT, MA…”

Makoto hit the table.

“Quiet down! You’ll disturb the customers!”

“WE’RE the customers! It’s Leblanc! Nobody comes here but us and a few old folks!” Ann flipped her hair.

“Ouch, don’t tell Sojiro that, he’ll cry!”

* * *

Sojiro had taken the chance to step outside and warm up. Those kids were characters but they were odd sometimes.

* * *

“Girls, please. Besides, we did miss one of the big things that mean’s Ren can’t be a princess.” Makoto crossed her arms.

“I dunno, it would have to be a pretty big one, he’s damn near checked off the list.”

“Ann, he’s a boy!’

“Oh yeah.”

Somehow that had been missed in all the excitement.

“Isn’t that a gender stereotype? Shouldn’t we let him be a princess if he wants to?’

“What? Haru…?”

“Maybe he’d really like the sparkly dresses?” Futaba’s grin was savage.

The image of Joker in a sparkly ball gown waltzed around the table stunning them into silence.

“He does have a pretty good figure…”

“NO! ANN! Drop it! Joker is not a Disney princess! He’s a Phantom thief. Nobody is to mention this to Ren, it would just confuse him!” Makoto was blushing furiously.

“I know, but…”

“That IS a pretty important but.” Haru was now having some very confusing thoughts of joker in a sparkly wedding dress. This conversation was taking her places she wasn’t sure she was ready for.

“He does have a Pretty, Important, Butt. Mwehehehehe!”

“Futaba!”

“Makoto was thinking it too!”

“WHAT?!” Apparently Makoto COULD blush harder and not pass out.

“I saw you looking when he bent over for the rice!”

Haru sighed. On the plus side, at least Futaba hadn’t spotted her looking at Joker.

“Anyway, I think we might be in the clear at least until he starts singing and dancing.” She smiled.

“Aww, its Ok, Haru. I’m sure he’d still help handle your delicate things!”

“FUTABA!”

* * *

They settled back down and returned to their drinks.

“Ren would probably be a good dancer. You’ve seen how he moves in the Metaverse”

“He does have the legs for it.”

“And the butt!”

“FUTABA! Stop that!”

* * *

Ren sat on the floor with his face in his hands.

They did KNOW he lived here? I mean, RIGHT HERE?! In easy hearing range, even if they were being quiet. Which they weren't.

He was going to have to work hard to pretend he hadn't heard ANY of that. He was going to be very conscious of his butt for one thing.

Morgana put one paw on his shoulder in comfort and nodded his head.

"It's Ok, Joker. First sign of a Tiara and I'll put you out of your misery."

**Author's Note:**

> Clearly my cold medication takes me weird places.  
At least this one is a bit more cheerful.  
Ann's been watching Wreck-It-Ralph 2, Search for the Princess scene.  
The girls are all sitting Just below their relationship choices in ranking. Someone is going to be in a lot of trouble very, very soon. ;)
> 
> Have fun folks.


End file.
